Frankly, what you want to be and to love...

1. Perfect. Which to me means calm. Means eternal generosity. No guilt. Peace at every corner, anger at none. What is anger? Me feel anger? Never. No. Perfect means no upset. Perfect might be he with a lobotomy. Perfect. Doesn't exist. Damn.

2. Want to be young forever. An optimist and dreamer at heart, someone has recently introduced me to the idea that not everyone looks at the world in this way. Some see reality. Some see darkness. Some can't escape the fact that we. all. die. This is harsh, yes, but also a push to remember that we. all. live. And are living now.

3. Want to love everything! But I don't. I don't love the sound of Ira Glass's voice. I don't love Februaries. I don't love January second. I don't love grey skies. I don't love holes in socks. I don't love black coffee. I don't love licorice. I don't love competition. I don't love spotlights. I don't love the fact that life requires toughness and thick skin. My father has a saying: "You've got to put on your iron underwear". He's right. I don't love it.

4. Want to feel gratitude, every day. A nice notion, and certainly one to strive for. But some days are just waking up and doing what needs to be done and brushing your teeth and getting back into bed and waiting for another day to come. This is enough.

5. Want to love my enemies. But...I don't love you for a reason...right? I am not a saint. Clearly, you're not either.

6. Want to do it all! Write! Every single day. Suffer for it. Read every book on the shelf, regardless of its ability to pull at me. Accept every invitation. Do everything on the 'needs to get done' list. Gift and gather and learn and forgive and move the fuck on. It will always take forever to do it all. Do some.

7. Want to love, myself. Many days, yes. Many days, not so much. There are still yes days. If there have been some, there will be more to come. More love. More toughness. More writing. More books that pull, more forgiveness and forgetting of anger, more living saints and broken human beings, more brushing of teeth and getting in and out of bed, more new socks and cream for coffee, more sun between clouds, and more gratitude, coming as a gasp from nowhere, for it all.

Thanks for reading.

Beth