The Cynic, The Believer

I know a good woman who is embarking on what she is calling a Pilgrimage of Gratitude this April. This Pilgrimage is to be divided into four parts: past, present, future, and all that is. Each week in April, she--and inspired others--will focus gratitude towards a different part of their lives, seeking to call forth a feeling of appreciation for what the world has, does, and will grant us. It's a humble and ambitious pursuit, and I'm going to do my best to manifest or mimic some of the idea's earnest spirit as I attempt such a Pilgrimage myself.

Such a pursuit, however, challenges a great dichotomy that exists in me; the tug of war between my believer and cynic selves has long been a present battle, though the older I get, the better able I am to find and keep a place of balance between the two poles. Fervently practicing a month of outright gratitude, however, sends my cynic siren flashing. I am often overcome with gratitude for what the world has given me, for the people who surround me with their love, but rarely do I make that gratitude a tangible thing; rather, I allow the feeling to reside privately, powerfully, hoping that the energy of silent gratitude is strong enough to make itself known.

That energy is powerful, no doubt, and as a prayerful person, I'm going to continue my own personal practice of giving silent thanks, but I'm also going to practice something new, something that seeks to assuage the believer in me, the girl who wants to know more about yoga and meditation; Buddha and yin and yang energies; the universe and our small place in it, for a very small time. I'm going to practice open gratitude--for my past, my present, my future. I'm going to write about the things I've forgiven, accepted, and learned to give thanks for--here. In this space. My cynic self will be deep inside, rolling her eyes. My believer self will be happy. I'll do my best to put myself squarely in the middle, and see what emerges.

Next post: trying my best to feel gratitude for my thirteen-year-old self.

Check out this lady's Pilgrimage of Gratitude for yourself: Vital Being Wellness


Thanks for reading.

Beth