Friday, April 3, 2015

This is Just an Update.

Hello. It's been a good long while since I've written anything here. How to begin? This is the question that has stopped me every single time I've thought about writing. Here's how I'll begin: by just beginning. I'll catch you up:

Since I last wrote, a few significant things have happened (such is life. Much can happen in a single year, in a few brief months. Pay attention to this -- you are doing a LOT, even if you feel like you're not.).

1. I got engaged. I got engaged on a day late in August, on a dock on the northeast shore of Flathead Lake. I got engaged to a good, kind soul. I don't need to say any more than that. This soul is the most unexpected blessing of my thirty-one years. I am better because of him.

2. I went through a semester of student teaching at the high school that sits kitty-corner from my second-story apartment. The school where my good, kind soul of a future husband teaches. It was just as scary as I thought it would be. And a thousand times more life-changing. I cried regularly, like once a week. I also looked forward to walking into that bright classroom every single day. I've carried that feeling with me ever since I left. I will let this feeling carry me into more classrooms, and my single hope is that I will be sustained by this feeling in my career for a good thirty years or more. (Who knew, when this life began, that purest joy would be such a messy mix of vulnerability and sacrifice and humor and connection and success and failure? I didn't know. I thought joy meant only happiness and ease. I know better now, and I'm grateful.)

3. I started to plan a wedding. As a self-declared 'non-girly girl', I am surprised to find that I fall easily into the wedding planning trap. So many dresses! So many choices! So many things to do! But my daily goal, when I write my goals, is simple: to plan a wedding that feels true. I will wear a cardigan when I get married, both because I like cardigans and because I'm getting married on the first day of winter. Light on the darkest of days.

4. I got a job. Not a teaching job -- not yet. But a very good and very challenging job at a place dear to my heart. I get to help people and create things and I am supported every day. For this, too, I am grateful.

5. Like you, I've lived a lot of everyday days. Woken to the alarm, walked and fed the dog, made coffee and washed the sleep from my face. Gone to school, to work, to the grocery store, and home. Cooked dinner, washed the dishes, swept the floor. Answered e-mails, made phone calls, paid bills. All of it in the name of everyday living, and it has occurred to me that everyday living gets a bad reputation. The bed was soft, wasn't it? The dog was happy to wake with you. The coffee was hot. The money bought the first asparagus of spring. I'm not preaching; I'm guilty too. Here's a pledge for us two to take: make the everyday holy.

This is just an update. I'm still here, still thinking about writing, and I promise to write again. Until then, here's to the big things that can happen, to the everyday living, and to what comes next.

Thanks for reading,


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